In he walks..
In he walks and it was like I lost my friend all over again. It was as if it was all fresh and raw again. He is a bad man, a very bad man. A man who thinks that you can marry someone who is dead by having your crazy friend Connie channel your dead friend. A dead friend who never saw you in that light. A friend who wouldn’t even let you touch them when they were alive.
Suddenly you believe in your little world that you were always meant to be. That he wanted to be your husband, are you fucking kidding me or yourself? Either way you and reality have parted ways long ago.
He was my friend too. He was someone I loved and still love. He is someone that I miss horribly in my daily life. Someone that taking a breath without sometimes hurts. He was like my older brother, my best friend and my twin. He kept me sane or tried like hell.
But what really gets to me, is after all this, after all this, he’s putting his mother in the place I work. I have to see him now? Somehow this is fair?
I don’t know if I’m disappointed in my boss for allowing it, knowing the full story. Or to the Social Service director that knows the history and still lets him put his mother there. I realize it’s a business, but we’re a smaller business and I thought maybe, just maybe, they’d say no. How silly of me.
So then I thought I’ll quit my job. I can’t face this man and maintain my professionalism. Popping him right in the coconut for being a fuckwad could very well happen. I realize I am an adult and am expected to behave like one. I also realize violence never solves anything. But I really do feel like a two year old that wants to pack up her toys and go home. I want to quit, give my notice and walk away. I can’t see him, I can’t do it. The rawness he invokes by just being near where I am. I even called Rob to come see me at lunch so I could cry on his shoulder. And of course he came. Why? Because he’s a good man who knows when his wife is raw. What will I do. Well I’ll probably be an adult and keep working. I mean why give up five years of hard work, one more year and I get three weeks vacation over some fuckwad.
Suddenly you believe in your little world that you were always meant to be. That he wanted to be your husband, are you fucking kidding me or yourself? Either way you and reality have parted ways long ago.
He was my friend too. He was someone I loved and still love. He is someone that I miss horribly in my daily life. Someone that taking a breath without sometimes hurts. He was like my older brother, my best friend and my twin. He kept me sane or tried like hell.
But what really gets to me, is after all this, after all this, he’s putting his mother in the place I work. I have to see him now? Somehow this is fair?
I don’t know if I’m disappointed in my boss for allowing it, knowing the full story. Or to the Social Service director that knows the history and still lets him put his mother there. I realize it’s a business, but we’re a smaller business and I thought maybe, just maybe, they’d say no. How silly of me.
So then I thought I’ll quit my job. I can’t face this man and maintain my professionalism. Popping him right in the coconut for being a fuckwad could very well happen. I realize I am an adult and am expected to behave like one. I also realize violence never solves anything. But I really do feel like a two year old that wants to pack up her toys and go home. I want to quit, give my notice and walk away. I can’t see him, I can’t do it. The rawness he invokes by just being near where I am. I even called Rob to come see me at lunch so I could cry on his shoulder. And of course he came. Why? Because he’s a good man who knows when his wife is raw. What will I do. Well I’ll probably be an adult and keep working. I mean why give up five years of hard work, one more year and I get three weeks vacation over some fuckwad.
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