I had all kinds of thoughts and plans for my future. Dreams of the life I'd lead and the places I'd travel.
But dreams are simply mist, blown away by the winds of reality, and as a well-known movie of our younger years taught us, 'Reality Bites'.
Reality is a bitter bitch.
Friday, December 9, 2016
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Healing for the women...
I am sick of hearing about the whole Duggar affair. Yes, I'm weighing in on it because it seems everyone else has and why not me.
As a victim that is a survivor I do feel I have some insight into this and feel that I can add my two cents. I am tired of people saying the Duggar girls are not handling this right. That they need to become some type of poster children/women for victims and survivors. That their story will help others come forward and heal if only the Duggar girls handle it properly and hold their brother and parents accountable for what happened.
Here's the thing, no one has the right to tell the Duggar girls/women how they should be handling this. No one has the right to make the Duggar women become poster children for this cause or any other cause. Isn't that what people are most angry at their parents about? About using their children for their own means. Isn't that exactly what people are now doing? How does this make them any better?
Regardless of what you think, this is a private matter for the victims. Their parents chose to put them in the spotlight. Their parents chose to have their lives out there for all to see. The girls chose not to have their story splashed all over the headlines. The records were sealed, the girls were healing in their own way and how dare anyone rip the scabs off their wounds and then tell them how they should react and what their responsibilities to others are right now. They have no responsibilities to anyone but themselves. They need to heal. They need to deal with this in the way that best helps them, not you or another victim, then need to focus on themselves.
My prayers and love go out to them at this time. I will not argue with anyone about this as this is my only take on the matter. End of discussion.
As a victim that is a survivor I do feel I have some insight into this and feel that I can add my two cents. I am tired of people saying the Duggar girls are not handling this right. That they need to become some type of poster children/women for victims and survivors. That their story will help others come forward and heal if only the Duggar girls handle it properly and hold their brother and parents accountable for what happened.
Here's the thing, no one has the right to tell the Duggar girls/women how they should be handling this. No one has the right to make the Duggar women become poster children for this cause or any other cause. Isn't that what people are most angry at their parents about? About using their children for their own means. Isn't that exactly what people are now doing? How does this make them any better?
Regardless of what you think, this is a private matter for the victims. Their parents chose to put them in the spotlight. Their parents chose to have their lives out there for all to see. The girls chose not to have their story splashed all over the headlines. The records were sealed, the girls were healing in their own way and how dare anyone rip the scabs off their wounds and then tell them how they should react and what their responsibilities to others are right now. They have no responsibilities to anyone but themselves. They need to heal. They need to deal with this in the way that best helps them, not you or another victim, then need to focus on themselves.
My prayers and love go out to them at this time. I will not argue with anyone about this as this is my only take on the matter. End of discussion.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Where do I start...
Tonight we went to the laundromat in Manchester because the one in our town has the new fancy washing machines that don't use a lot of water nor do they suds at all. Makes me feel like my clothes aren't getting clean. I watched my pants through an entire cycle and they never appeared to get wet. After that, I never used those washers again. But that's not the reason for this post.....
A young man was hanging around the front of the laundromat where the kids usually play and watch a movie. He had a backpack with him and nothing else. He wasn't doing any wash so it made me curious as to why he was there. Another young man came in after about an hour and the two of them were chatting. They both left and after about a half hour they both returned. The first young man put his backpack up where the kids toys were and then the two men went in to the bathroom together. When they came out ten minutes later they were both rolling down their sleeves. Instantly I knew what they were doing in there. They were shooting up heroin in a laundromat bathroom. Where does your life go wrong at so young an age? What decisions got you two to where you were today? I was angry at them both for bringing that shit around my grand daughter. They saw her there, in fact when they were making their deal they kept looking at her. When they came back in they were looking at her. When they left the backpack and went in to the bathroom, they were looking at her. What was in that backpack? I'm glad she's been raised not to touch things that don't belong to her. But what if she were younger? Would she have been hurt by anything she found in there? What if it was another child whose parents weren't as diligent at watching their children as we were? You left it in the child play area. I was angry with you for so many reasons. But my heart goes out to you both too. You're chasing a high that you will never get again and it will take everything from you. I mean everything. In the end, possibly even your lives.
After they left the bathroom, I went in to make sure they left nothing behind that would hurt someone that went in after them. I am thankful that they left nothing behind, but am saddened that this is where their lives are now. It's an epidemic here in New Hampshire. We've had 163 suspected over doses in the first 3 1/2 months of this year, resulting in 24 deaths in the City of Manchester alone.
I've lost friends and loved ones to this nasty drug. I wish I could shake the addiction from you because I would. I can't so instead I say this, I wish nothing but the best for you both. I hope you find recovery and happiness in your futures because the way you are living now, isn't really living.
A young man was hanging around the front of the laundromat where the kids usually play and watch a movie. He had a backpack with him and nothing else. He wasn't doing any wash so it made me curious as to why he was there. Another young man came in after about an hour and the two of them were chatting. They both left and after about a half hour they both returned. The first young man put his backpack up where the kids toys were and then the two men went in to the bathroom together. When they came out ten minutes later they were both rolling down their sleeves. Instantly I knew what they were doing in there. They were shooting up heroin in a laundromat bathroom. Where does your life go wrong at so young an age? What decisions got you two to where you were today? I was angry at them both for bringing that shit around my grand daughter. They saw her there, in fact when they were making their deal they kept looking at her. When they came back in they were looking at her. When they left the backpack and went in to the bathroom, they were looking at her. What was in that backpack? I'm glad she's been raised not to touch things that don't belong to her. But what if she were younger? Would she have been hurt by anything she found in there? What if it was another child whose parents weren't as diligent at watching their children as we were? You left it in the child play area. I was angry with you for so many reasons. But my heart goes out to you both too. You're chasing a high that you will never get again and it will take everything from you. I mean everything. In the end, possibly even your lives.
After they left the bathroom, I went in to make sure they left nothing behind that would hurt someone that went in after them. I am thankful that they left nothing behind, but am saddened that this is where their lives are now. It's an epidemic here in New Hampshire. We've had 163 suspected over doses in the first 3 1/2 months of this year, resulting in 24 deaths in the City of Manchester alone.
I've lost friends and loved ones to this nasty drug. I wish I could shake the addiction from you because I would. I can't so instead I say this, I wish nothing but the best for you both. I hope you find recovery and happiness in your futures because the way you are living now, isn't really living.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Paul's Mother....
Today, August 14, Paul's Mother would have been 75 years old. Can you believe that? I can't even imagine Paul's Mother as a 75 year old woman. This was Paul's Mother at 69 years old. I couldn't even imagine her at that age, but she was exactly who she was, it's the one gift she gave to us. Embrace your insanity! She gave it to us so it's only right she showed us how to embrace it.
At our last family gathering/reunion one of her brothers turned to me with a huge smile on his face and said, "You're a brat just like my sister was." I take great pride in that comment. Which is funny, because there were many times I didn't want to be just like Paul's Mother. In fact, it scared me to be compared to her. She was haunted in her life and you could see it in her eyes. But she was also loved and had a great capacity for love. She absolutely loved her grandchildren. She loved spending time with them making puzzles, baking, playing cards and just listening to them talk to her about their lives. When we first moved to New Hampshire my son would call her and talk for hours. This is before unlimited long distance so our bills were huge, but totally worth it. They talked about everything, watched television shows together, baseball and football games and just generally hung out. My daughter would call and talk to her for hours about things at school, gossip of the day and life in general. They have great memories of their Nana and the time they spent with her. We have pictures of them all finger painting when they were little. I'm not sure who was covered in finger paint more, her or the kids.
I also have great memories of Paul's Mother. Coming home from school to her fresh baked pita bread or delicious peanut butter cookies. That woman could bake like no one I ever met, something my daughter obviously inherited from her because I don't bake. It's too messy. I don't like messy. I also remember her reading me the Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe, my favorite story as a child. Even as an adult, I could pull out that book and say," Mommie will you read to me?" She would, she'd let my lay my head in her lap like I did as a kid and she'd read it to me. I inherited that book and some day, when Lana-Rose is a little older, I will read it to her. She is a huge part of the reason I love to read as much as I do. Reading was always encouraged.
While there are ways I don't want to be like Paul's Mother, I can say now, in all honesty, there are ways in which I consider myself blessed to be compared to her. Being a brat like her, totally one of them!
Love you Mommie... mean it!
~Forever in our hearts~
My Mommie and her Daddy. The smiles are real!!
At our last family gathering/reunion one of her brothers turned to me with a huge smile on his face and said, "You're a brat just like my sister was." I take great pride in that comment. Which is funny, because there were many times I didn't want to be just like Paul's Mother. In fact, it scared me to be compared to her. She was haunted in her life and you could see it in her eyes. But she was also loved and had a great capacity for love. She absolutely loved her grandchildren. She loved spending time with them making puzzles, baking, playing cards and just listening to them talk to her about their lives. When we first moved to New Hampshire my son would call her and talk for hours. This is before unlimited long distance so our bills were huge, but totally worth it. They talked about everything, watched television shows together, baseball and football games and just generally hung out. My daughter would call and talk to her for hours about things at school, gossip of the day and life in general. They have great memories of their Nana and the time they spent with her. We have pictures of them all finger painting when they were little. I'm not sure who was covered in finger paint more, her or the kids.
I also have great memories of Paul's Mother. Coming home from school to her fresh baked pita bread or delicious peanut butter cookies. That woman could bake like no one I ever met, something my daughter obviously inherited from her because I don't bake. It's too messy. I don't like messy. I also remember her reading me the Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe, my favorite story as a child. Even as an adult, I could pull out that book and say," Mommie will you read to me?" She would, she'd let my lay my head in her lap like I did as a kid and she'd read it to me. I inherited that book and some day, when Lana-Rose is a little older, I will read it to her. She is a huge part of the reason I love to read as much as I do. Reading was always encouraged.
While there are ways I don't want to be like Paul's Mother, I can say now, in all honesty, there are ways in which I consider myself blessed to be compared to her. Being a brat like her, totally one of them!
Love you Mommie... mean it!
~Forever in our hearts~
Friday, August 8, 2014
Parenting.. I'm doing it all wrong.
Here's the thing, it appears with this parenting stuff, I'm doing it all wrong. Apparently, yes I like that word, when your children do things that you don't agree with, you can simply throw them out! Silly me, I thought that your job as a parent was to be supportive. To help them navigate through life in the way they're meant to lead. To let them know that no matter what happens, you will always be there for them in whatever way possible. It may not always be to pick them up and dust them off, sometimes it's cheering from the sidelines as they pick themselves up and dust themselves off. But apparently, children are disposable. You can just toss them out!
When we found out my unwed teenage daughter was pregnant, it was not what we wanted for her life. I wanted college and jobs and world travel. But that's what I wanted for her, that's not the direction her life was taking. Her father keeps saying he just wanted her to marry a rich doctor. God I love him. Yes, we could have thrown her out. As it appears what quite a few parents in similar situations actually do. Yes, when they are at their most vulnerable, that's when you kick them out and say fend for yourself. Or, is that when you stand beside them and say, we'll help you any way we can, however this child is yours to raise if that's what you choose. We won't change all the diapers, stay up all night so you can sleep and basically raise the child for you. We will help you do what you need to do as a parent. Our daughter is a great mother with more patience than I ever had. Her daughter knows who her mother is and who has the final say in all things regarding her. She also knows that if she does a sad face, Nana will go get her strawberries, but that is my right as Nana. She is raising her child with our help, but she's doing the heavy lifting as it should be!
When my son came out to us we never considered kicking him out. Which apparently is the go to response for a lot of parents. I can't even fathom looking at that man we brought in to this world and saying, you're not who we want you to be, get out! He is exactly who we want him to be, himself. He is still finding himself and has found a path that seems to be taking him in the right direction of where he wants to be. We will continue to cheer him on and encourage him.
I love my adult children and I am loving watching them find their own way in life. May they always know that their father and I will be here for them to love them and support them in the way we hope they need it most!
When we found out my unwed teenage daughter was pregnant, it was not what we wanted for her life. I wanted college and jobs and world travel. But that's what I wanted for her, that's not the direction her life was taking. Her father keeps saying he just wanted her to marry a rich doctor. God I love him. Yes, we could have thrown her out. As it appears what quite a few parents in similar situations actually do. Yes, when they are at their most vulnerable, that's when you kick them out and say fend for yourself. Or, is that when you stand beside them and say, we'll help you any way we can, however this child is yours to raise if that's what you choose. We won't change all the diapers, stay up all night so you can sleep and basically raise the child for you. We will help you do what you need to do as a parent. Our daughter is a great mother with more patience than I ever had. Her daughter knows who her mother is and who has the final say in all things regarding her. She also knows that if she does a sad face, Nana will go get her strawberries, but that is my right as Nana. She is raising her child with our help, but she's doing the heavy lifting as it should be!
When my son came out to us we never considered kicking him out. Which apparently is the go to response for a lot of parents. I can't even fathom looking at that man we brought in to this world and saying, you're not who we want you to be, get out! He is exactly who we want him to be, himself. He is still finding himself and has found a path that seems to be taking him in the right direction of where he wants to be. We will continue to cheer him on and encourage him.
I love my adult children and I am loving watching them find their own way in life. May they always know that their father and I will be here for them to love them and support them in the way we hope they need it most!
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