Bad Day profanity in use..
My cat Midnight died and I bought myself a pack of cigarettes. I quit smoking in 2001, January 19th actually and it’s been six years since I last smoked. But today, today I have a craving that just can’t be ignored. I haven’t lit one yet. Notice I say yet. It sits in my mouth unlit while I type this, logically I know this is not the answer. But I really don’t care.
Midnight was born February 10, 2005. He’s a black and white short haired domestic pain in the ass. He humped the other cats, he annoyed us all, and wouldn’t shut up. But I love him with all my heart and he’s gone. The vet told us it was heart failure due to a blood clot is what took him from us way to early in life. He was 2 years old. That’s a just a baby. It’s not fair and I know life is not fair. I told death I was all done with it. I told death I couldn’t take any more. I explained it very calmly. Then I explained it in hysterics. Apparently death is not listening. Circle of life can kiss my fucking ass!!! I paid to have him cremated and he’ll come back to us in a lovely wooden box that R can wood burn his name and such on to if he’d like. Only $94 for a private cremation, if I wanted him cremated with half a dozen other animals, I could have paid only $20. Umm yeah no thanks, when I hold the box and tell Midnight I miss him, I’d like to have just Midnight in the box. Man I think I’ve gone crazy here.
We performed CPR on Midnight but he was gone. It was seconds from the time he laid down until he was gone. I did not give him permission to leave us. We’re not ready. Are you ever ready?
HJ is past her limit as well. The pain that she feels can not be understood by the words here. There are no words to say. I can only love her as much as I can. I can only tell her that we are here and that it is all a part of life, the sucky part, but a part of life non the less. It’ll get even better when D gets home from school.
Will I smoke? I don’t know. But I do know that this past year has taught me life is too fucking short.
Midnight was born February 10, 2005. He’s a black and white short haired domestic pain in the ass. He humped the other cats, he annoyed us all, and wouldn’t shut up. But I love him with all my heart and he’s gone. The vet told us it was heart failure due to a blood clot is what took him from us way to early in life. He was 2 years old. That’s a just a baby. It’s not fair and I know life is not fair. I told death I was all done with it. I told death I couldn’t take any more. I explained it very calmly. Then I explained it in hysterics. Apparently death is not listening. Circle of life can kiss my fucking ass!!! I paid to have him cremated and he’ll come back to us in a lovely wooden box that R can wood burn his name and such on to if he’d like. Only $94 for a private cremation, if I wanted him cremated with half a dozen other animals, I could have paid only $20. Umm yeah no thanks, when I hold the box and tell Midnight I miss him, I’d like to have just Midnight in the box. Man I think I’ve gone crazy here.
We performed CPR on Midnight but he was gone. It was seconds from the time he laid down until he was gone. I did not give him permission to leave us. We’re not ready. Are you ever ready?
HJ is past her limit as well. The pain that she feels can not be understood by the words here. There are no words to say. I can only love her as much as I can. I can only tell her that we are here and that it is all a part of life, the sucky part, but a part of life non the less. It’ll get even better when D gets home from school.
Will I smoke? I don’t know. But I do know that this past year has taught me life is too fucking short.