What was I thinking????

Today my thoughts were going around my brilliant idea of tanning at the gym after working out for an hour and a half. Why did I think 10 minutes in a tanning bed would be a good idea? Ten minutes in a tanning booth is equivalent to one hour on the surface of the sun. My friend did ten minutes the day before, but she did not burn. So I figured if she could do 10 minutes then I should have no troubles. But oh yeah I was wrong. So wrong I couldn't wear a bra to work. I'm surprised I made it through the day. My stomach, boobs and ass are killing me. Yeah, I went mostly naked, I had undies on. Things that I can tell you about Jergens lotions, their number 2 ingredient is ALCOHOL. I know this because when I put it on my light bulb burn, I screamed. Not quietly, oh no, I screamed like a baby that someone snatched the pacifier away from. Loudly and with no qualms about waking the neighbors. At this point, screw the neighbors. Before anyone suggest aloe, I get a rash from both aloe and lanolin so unfortunately I can't use either. Aloe would feel wonderful right now, until the rash starts. Jergens also smells very pretty, once you stop screaming long enough to take a deep breath in and smell it anyways.
I am using Johnson's baby lotion because it's hypoallergenic and a dermatologist has tested it. The only good thing I did was I shut off the face part of the tanning bed. However, according to my loving husband, my back looks like a melted candy cane. I'd take him out but I need someone to rub the lotion on my back. See he serves his purpose. Although he did lose my baby lotion which had me resorting to the Jergens which caused the scream of despair.

But what really makes me feel great about my tanning experience is I forgot to take off my necklace and my anklets. I have the perfect outline of my cross necklace on my chest in beautiful brilliant white against a backdrop of steamed lobster red. Oh yeah, I'm special!
Behold my necklace......

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