Jagged Edge of Em's Anxiety

I am sick of hearing about the whole Duggar affair. Yes, I'm weighing in on it because it seems everyone else has and why not me. As a victim that is a survivor I do feel I have some insight into this and feel that I can add my two cents. I am tired of people saying the Duggar girls are not handling this right. That they need to become some type of poster children/women for victims and survivors. That their story will help others come forward and heal if only the Duggar girls handle it properly and hold their brother and parents accountable for what happened. Here's the thing,  no one has the right to tell the Duggar girls/women how they should be handling this. No one has the right to make the Duggar women become poster children for this cause or any other cause. Isn't that what people are most angry at their parents about? About using their children for their own means. Isn't that exactly what people are now doing? How does this make them any better? Regardless ...

Tonight we went to the laundromat in Manchester because the one in our town has the new fancy washing machines that don't use a lot of water nor do they suds at all. Makes me feel like my clothes aren't getting clean. I watched my pants through an entire cycle and they never appeared to get wet. After that, I never used those washers again. But that's not the reason for this post..... A young man was hanging around the front of the laundromat where the kids usually play and watch a movie. He had a backpack with him and nothing else. He wasn't doing any wash so it made me curious as to why he was there. Another young man came in after about an hour and the two of them were chatting. They both left and after about a half hour they both returned. The first young man put his backpack up where the kids toys were and then the two men went in to the bathroom together. When they came out ten minutes later they were both rolling down their sleeves. Instantly I knew what they w...

Today, August 14, Paul's Mother would have been 75 years old. Can you believe that? I can't even imagine Paul's Mother as a 75 year old woman. This was Paul's Mother at 69 years old. I couldn't even imagine her at that age, but she was exactly who she was, it's the one gift she gave to us. Embrace your insanity! She gave it to us so it's only right she showed us how to embrace it. At our last family gathering/reunion one of her brothers turned to me with a huge smile on his face and said, "You're a brat just like my sister was." I take great pride in that comment. Which is funny, because there were many times I didn't want to be just like Paul's Mother. In fact, it scared me to be compared to her. She was haunted in her life and you could see it in her eyes. But she was also loved and had a great capacity for love. She absolutely loved her grandchildren. She loved spending time with them making puzzles, baking, playing cards and j...

Here's the thing, it appears with this parenting stuff, I'm doing it all wrong. Apparently, yes I like that word, when your children do things that you don't agree with, you can simply throw them out! Silly me, I thought that your job as a parent was to be supportive. To help them navigate through life in the way they're meant to lead. To let them know that no matter what happens, you will always be there for them in whatever way possible. It may not always be to pick them up and dust them off, sometimes it's cheering from the sidelines as they pick themselves up and dust themselves off. But apparently, children are disposable. You can just toss them out! When we found out my unwed teenage daughter was pregnant, it was not what we wanted for her life. I wanted college and jobs and world travel. But that's what I wanted for her, that's not the direction her life was taking. Her father keeps saying he just wanted her to marry a rich doctor. God I love him. Y...

Today someone posted a cute little story about a pharmacy that prescribes a Monster Spray to children that have monsters under their bed. They spray the spray before bedtime, under their bed and it makes all the monsters go away. A little six year old girl used it three times before she was sure all the monsters were gone. I find this story absolutely adorable. I think it's wonderful that this pharmacists does something so kind for small children with big imaginations. I think a little magic in this world is just what a lot of child need. The response from one woman totally had me stunned. She said it's crap like this that is pussifying our children. Really? Then she went on in another reply when asked what one has to do with the other to say her daughter was bullied and what are they going to make next, bully spray? (They do make a bully spray, it's called mace!)  Her daughter had to graduate early because of bullies. Okay, what does her daughter being bullied have to do...

Sometimes the emotional pain becomes too much to bear. Sometimes the emotional pain feels like it's going to consume us. Sometimes the emotional pain is so overwhelming that we need a physical pain to release it before we lose ourselves and who we are in it. Not everyone can understand this, I get that. Not everyone can look at someone with scars that were self inflicted and say, I see your pain. Sometimes, we hide those scars under our jeans so no one will notice. It's not for attention, it's for release. Sometimes we dull the pain with alcohol, sometimes we dull the pain with drugs either prescription or illegal. Sometimes we smoke too much and talk to loud. But we find our release to keep us alive. We are survivors with our scars to prove it.